Ghosts ‘n Goblins

Publisher: Capcom
Year: 1986
Genre: Platformer

Warning! This review contains spoilers such as THIS GAME MAKES YOU START THE WHOLE THING OVER WHEN YOU “BEAT” IT!

Why, Capcom, why?
Why, Capcom, why?

When I saw this game next on the list, I was immediately overcome with nostalgia. “Ghosts ‘n Goblins!” I thought, “I remember this game! It sure was challenging, but it was cool how large the selection of weapons was and the kind of powers they granted when you upgraded your armor!” Those of you who have played the game are probably scratching your head right now. You don’t remember any of that! Here’s the problem: I’m remembering Super Ghouls and Ghosts a much better version of essentially the same game for the SNES. Ghosts ‘n Goblins is different. Ghosts ‘n Goblins is… unfortunate.

Even if you owned this game, you might not have gotten this far. Y'know. The end of the first level.
Even if you owned this game, you might not have gotten this far. Y’know. The end of the first level.

John’s Rating: 1.5 out of 5.0. It isn’t that this game is Nintendo Hard, it’s that it’s arbitrary and unfun about it. A lot of Nintendo Hard games are fun, mostly because they’re HARD, but don’t CHEAT. In the forest just before the above screenshot, I lost my armor because an enemy spawned inside me. I literally did EVERYTHING correctly and still got hit. That’s the kind of game this is, right up until it makes you go back to the beginning and do it all again. Which it does. When you beat the final boss.

This is what you have to look forward to. Only this FOREVER!
This is what you have to look forward to. Only this FOREVER!

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