Publisher: Data East
Year: 1987
Genre: Action

“In a world without sanitation regulations, one man stands ready to give the people what they want: delicious piping hot burgers. This master chef prepares his creations the only way he knows how: through the power of stepping on food. But when a group of rogue hot dogs and fried eggs threaten to put him on the grill, will he be able to turn the tables on the food rebellion, or will BurgerTime be seasoned… with death?”
-The back of the BurgerTime box, except not actually.

Alternately, this could be "Upton Sinclair's The Jungle: The Game"
Alternately, this could be “Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle: The Game”

Continue reading “BurgerTime”

Balloon Fight

Year: 1986
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Platform

Remember when you were a kid and balloons, powered by your imagination, could hoist you off the ground and into the stratosphere? Well, screw you, kid! That requires about a fafrillion balloons because physics, bitch! But you know where one can frequently take refuge from the doldrums of everyday physical reality? Video games, that’s where!

Moar liek physics atrocity, amiright?
Moar liek physics atrocity, amiright?

Continue reading “Balloon Fight”


Year: 1985
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Sports – Baseball

I suppose that not every game can have – or even needs – a clever title. After all, Contra is one of the most well-known and beloved games of all time, and “contra” just refers to resistance fighters in general. In some cases, however, a clever title – or even just a bit of elaboration on a fairly obvious title – seems to be in order.

Do you think they tried to trademark the name?

While I have to cut it some slack for being the very first baseball game released on the NES, I don’t have a lot of love for the game. Maybe it was because by the time I got to play it, I was already spoiled by all the significantly more advanced baseball games released subsequently. It’s possible, though, that the name just killed the interest for me. Either way, I might have to dig pretty hard to find good things to say about this game.

The controls are, to put it lightly, unpleasant to deal with. On top of being poorly mapped in general (just try to make a runner steal a base or continue running on a wild ball), the game doesn’t do a good job of actually indicating when you’re in control and when you’re not. After my runners unsuccessfully chased grounders well into the outfield a few times, I finally realized that it wasn’t my fault they weren’t getting them – I didn’t control that part. I wasn’t responsible for their actions until they actually put their hands on the ball.

I should come up with something funny to say about this, but there really isn’t anything funny to say. It’s just baseball.

The game also seems to ignore the infield fly rule.  Yes, it came up.

In the Wikipedia article, a reference is made to the variety of pitches that can be thrown through clever manipulation of the controller. Frankly, the difference between a fast ball and a slow ball is insufficient to affect even the lamest player’s reactions, and therefore moot. But, thanks, Wikipedia, for telling me that my slow pitching pitcher will eventually pitch even slower by wearing himself out.

All in all, it’s not the worst game out there – most likely, not even the worst baseball game – but I wouldn’t particularly recommend it.

John’s Rating: 2.0 out of 5.0, because I don’t have much good to say about it, but didn’t thoroughly hate the experience.

Dark Jco’s Rating: 1.0 out of 5.0 – I could probably give a better review if I liked the sport of baseball, but I don’t, so I just find this game boring.

Lord Nightmare: 1.0 out of 5.0. As far as I can tell, they captured all the boring and kind of dull aspects of baseball when they